The faith delusion

I wrote this on February 12, 2007, in my old Livejournal. I thought it would serve as a good example of showing the faith that I am now doubting. All it has done is scare me. I can’t decide if my incoherent babbling is a sign of my age (I was seventeen at the time) or if it is a sign of my blind faith.

my youth pastor just emailed me because on wednesday we are doing a “concert of prayer” and he wants me to be a part of it and read something. and the something is gorgeous and powerful and passionate and joyful and gah. lovesies.

11. The Fellowship of the Unashamed – Elizabeth Sturgeon

This letter was found in the study of an African pastor, it was written shortly before he was martyred.

I’m part of the fellowship of the unashamed. I have the Holy Spirit power. The die has been case. I have stepped over the line. The decision has been made – I’m a disciple of His.

I won’t look back, let up, slow down, back away, or be still. My past is redeemed, my present makes sense, my future is secure. I’m finished and done with low living, sight walking, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tamed visions, worldly talking, cheap giving, and dwarfed goals

I no longer need preeminence, prosperity, position, promotions, plaudits, or popularity. I don’t have to be right, first, tops, recognized, praised, regarded, or rewarded. I now live by faith, lean in his presence, walk by patience, am uplifted by prayer, and I labor with power.

My face is set, my gait is fast, my goal is heaven, my road is narrow, my way rough, my companions are few, my Guide reliable, my mission clear. I cannot be bought, compromised, detoured, lured away, turned back, deluded, or delayed. I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the presence of the enemy, ponder at the pool of popularity, or meander in the maze of mediocrity.

I won’t give up, shut up, let up, until I have stayed up, stored up, prayed up, paid up, preached up for the cause of Christ. I am a disciple of Jesus. I must go till he comes, give till I drop, preach till all know, and work till he stops me. And when he comes for his own, he will have no problem recognizing me… my banner will be clear!

and you see that? he thought of me when he saw it. that is one of the greatest compliments I have ever received.

because, like, because he knows, we’ve talked about it, about all the direction God has been showing me lately, about all the paths I am supposed to be taking that he is showing me, about, yeah. it’s an exciting time to be alive when you are actively looking for God, you know, and I do feel, you know, better, so much better, seeing everything God is giving me.

oh man. wednesday can’t come fast enough now.


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One thought on “The faith delusion

  1. The African pastor’s letter is an absolutely beautiful piece of work. And your commentary makes more sense than you think.

    It certainly does sound a little silly in some places, but to paraphrase Saul Alinsky, no organizer ought to stand back in sackcloth and ashes about roads taken or not taken. Everything you are, have, or have been is material, cultural capital, POWER.

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